“Big boys don’t cry” is an apparently innocuous instruction to young boys which could be said to characterise the “stiff upper lip” approach of traditional British culture. It owes more to Victorian beliefs than to the Bible.
The Bible is full of tears. Even Jesus wept at the death of his friend, Lazarus (Jn 11:35) – and he knew he was going to raise him from the dead! The Psalms of Lament give us permission to cry: ‘my tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”‘ (Ps 42:3) Ps 13:2 talks of having sorrow ‘day after day.’
Suppressing and repressig emotion is a sure-fire way of inviting mental health issues into our lives; as the proverb goes, ‘he who swallows much eventually drowns’.
There has been much in the news recently about mental health issues, with Princes William and Harry talking openly about the grief and difficulties they faced over the death of their mother, Diana, when they were still children. Royalty, money, privilege – none of these things guarantee good mental health, but bringing those feelings to God and waiting before Him can be a significant contribution to recovery.
The toddler is remarkably honest in expressing his or her feelings; you always know what a toddler is feeling, whether that is joy, sorrow, pain or enthusiasm!
Whilst we may need to teach different ways of expressing those emotions to toddlers, they are perhaps closer to God than we think. Matt 18:3 reminds us of the need to become like little children; perhaps we, too, need to be unafraid of bringing our emotions to God and letting Him wrap us in His arms of everlasting love. (Ps 57:1) Perhaps we need to return, like the prodigal son, to the Father’s arms, for ‘our Father still waits and He watches down the road/ to see the crying boys come running back into His arms.’ (‘Growing Young’, Rich Mullins)
As we study the Psalms of Lament, we need to be unafraid of our negative emotions and bring these to God honestly and without fear of rejection.